TitleTales

Author Interview: Jenny Downham

BWI: What sparked the idea for Before I Die?

JD: I wanted to write for and about teenagers because they are on the cusp of adulthood and that interests me. Tessa’s voice came first, then Zoey, then her dad and brother. I didn’t quite know their circumstances, but I knew Tessa was sick. It became apparent after only a few weeks writing that Tess was terminally ill. Putting this kind of ticking clock into the story increased the narrative drive, but also risked losing tension because the end of the story was determined. The challenge became how to make a journey towards the inevitable interesting. That’s where the “before I die” list came in.

BWI: Did the subject matter make this a difficult book to write?

JD: Because of the way I work (I tend to try and “inhabit” characters as an actor might), I did often feel very sad on Tessa’s behalf, though it was also a great privilege to imagine the world through her eyes.

I was dreading writing the ending because I knew Tessa would have to narrate her own death. (the book is told in first-person present tense) and it could have gone horribly wrong. But actually, the hardest thing was handing the work to the publisher after it was finished. I’d inhabited Tessa’s head for over two years and suddenly she was gone.

BWI: You have said that you didn’t want the book to tell the story of just one person, but are there any particular people whose characteristics appear in Tessa?

JD: No one with cancer read the book as I wrote it, no parent of a sick child either. If I’d started interviewing terminally ill people, yes, I would’ve felt compelled to honour their stories absolutely, and the point I wanted to make is that Tessa can be all of us—looking at life with absolute concentration because she knows better than most that it won’t last. Two oncology nurses helped me with medical detail over many months. One of them was a palliative care nurse who worked with terminally ill teens, but we never discussed particular patients.

BWI: In what ways do you think terminal illness affects the way people look at friendship and family relationships? Do you think this is different for a young person than for an adult?

JD: If I learned anything at all about terminal illness in my research, it’s that the experience is different for everyone. I do believe that life becomes concentrated when it has boundaries and that death is the biggest boundary of all. When you can’t look into the future, then all you have is the present, and in the present, small ordinary things become rich. This impacts a lot on family and friends and is why I wanted to show that Tessa’s list can include something as simple as a cup of tea as well as something as encompassing as love.

If an adult was dying I’m sure that some of the things they chose to put on a “before I die” list would be different, but I’m not sure that their experiences with friends and family would be.

BWI: Do you think it’s OK for a person who knows s/he is dying to turn inward (to be self-focused) even though the people close have trouble understanding this reaction?

JD: When your life is threatened I imagine you either turn towards that knowledge or away from it. I’m not sure you have a choice.

Tessa’s journey towards death is difficult and often lonely. She feels alienated from the people around her and has to find ways of seeking comfort and warmth in a world where anything could happen next. Her consolations are found in the tactile realities of the everyday world and in the connections she makes with those she loves.

BWI: Do you think most people facing death perceive the prospect as freeing them from everyday strictures or behaviors?

JD: Tessa says this: “People think if you’re sick you become fearless and brave, but you don’t. Most of the time it’s like being stalked by a psycho, like I might get shot any second…”

She attempts to overcome her fear and live in the present; she tries to free herself from the normal rules. But she finds it extremely hard to do, because even though she’s dying she looks forward to tomorrow when things might be better or different somehow. Even though she’s dying she still cares what people think of her and how she’s perceived.

But sometimes she manages it—to live as if there was only “this” moment, right now.

Perhaps all of us taste a little of that sense of living in the absolute “present” at times of peak experience—childbirth, a death, a time of intense love or loss, when nothing else matters and the rules can all be broken. I think it’s rare though, and it slips away from us all the time.

I do know you don’t have to be terminally ill to make a “Before I Die” list!!

BWI: Tessa is a teenager, but she has some very grown-up experiences with sex and drugs. Do you feel that parents and librarians might have concerns about allowing young adults to read about such mature topics? What would you say to assuage their fears?

JD: Writers should offer other worlds, other lives, so that readers can empathize, can think “what would I do if that were me?” Casual sex is shown and is experienced very differently by both girls. Neither of them have a great time. There is also loving sex. Yes, Tessa does things that are dangerous—she’s a teenager. As for the drugs—I think they were pretty sensible actually. One of them didn’t take any so that care could be taken of those that had. And the trip wasn’t all roses. It clearly shows that there’s no going back, once you begin a trip, that’s it, and you may see things you don’t want or anticipate. All actions have consequences and my book shows that life is made up of choices, but that there are also things you can’t change.

BWI: You wrote a very moving, engaging novel around a plot that is usually overly sentimental and terribly clichéd. How did you avoid that trap? When you wrote the novel, did you think that your take on the teenage-girl-who-is-dying would rise above the rest?

JD: I used humour and the characters of Cal and Zoey to help avoid sentimentality. I also tried hard to let the reader hold a lot of the feelings instead of Tessa. If she faces her death head-on, perhaps the reader will hold some of the disbelief and irrational hope.

As an unpublished novelist my greatest hope for the book was that it might be sold and therefore that my story would be heard. I had no hopes beyond this. I’m completely bowled over by how well the book has been received.

BWI: How did your acting experience influence your writing? How did that help you to create a character with such rich and deep emotional experiences?

JD: I used all my acting techniques to write. I kept notebooks and diaries for the characters, researching them as if I was going to play them on stage—what they liked to eat, what their hopes and fears were. It didn’t all get in the book, but it helped me to know who they were. Some days I embodied them - breathed like them, said all the things they might say out loud, over and over, until the words sounded right.

I kept a diary for Tess whilst I was writing; every morning I started my day by writing the previous day’s entry. Tess read the paper and listened to the news. She went for walks. I began to see things through her eyes quite a lot because I knew I’d have to write her diary later.

BWI: One review stated that your novel was unfortunately marketed as a YA novel, thus ghettoized to the back of the bookstore. How do you feel about that? When you wrote the book, were you writing for any particular audience?

JD: I wrote Before I Die for young adults and am proud that my book is being marketed as such. YA novels span the entire spectrum of fiction genres and are limited only by the imagination and skill of the author. The distinctions between children’s literature, YA literature and adult literature are more flexible and loosely defined than ever before. Despite the plethora of other entertainment available to teens, they read in huge numbers and are becoming increasingly sophisticated. There was never such an exciting time to be a writer for the YA market. And if adults want to get in on the act and read the books too, then that’s great. There are some brilliant books out there.

BWI: Has your older son read the book? If so, what was his response?

JD: My twelve year old has read it. A direct quote—“It’s brilliant.”

BWI: What role do you think books play in the life of today’s average teen? What are you hoping teens take away from your book?

JD: Books can address difficult situations and confront social issues and help readers deal with real-life challenges. They can transport you, make you think, move you… the list is endless.

I was attempting to write a good story, one that readers would have both a visceral and an emotional response to. Ultimately I hope the book is life-affirming.

BWI: Are you surprised by the success of the book, particularly outside of the UK?

JD: It’s wonderful to be in this position—a published author with another book commissioned. A few months ago I was finishing Before I Die, and was completely uncertain of what would happen to it. Now it’s been sold in over fourteen languages. It’s a privileged position to be in and it was a real roller-coaster ride to get here!

BWI: How has your life changed since the release of Before I Die?

JD: Writing is a lonely occupation. Every day I wrote at my desk and no-one knew what I was doing or how it was going. That’s the major change—not being so alone! I can call my publisher, my agent or editor and they actually want to talk about my writing! Apart from that, of course, it’s fantastic to be paid to do something I love.

BWI: Do you have any plans in the works for future YA or adult novels?

JD: I’ve started my next book. I have a location and a voice and an event. It’s for young adults again, though I’m not quite sure what it’s about yet. I don’t know quite where it’ll take me. I don’t like knowing in advance. I never plan a structure. I like surprises. I’m quite disciplined and sit at my desk every day and just write. Most of it goes in the bin, but I find I return again and again to the things that preoccupy and eventually I begin to see what the book might be about.

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